xAutoDMGroan-worthy and proud of it — the best dad joke tweets on X.
45 tweets · Collected July 2026
in a c section today the dad made a joke about us giving his wife a ‘husband stitch’ and the surgeon goes “we don’t do that here, but i can recommend you for a penis enlargement consultation if you’re that concerned about wanting to satisfy your wife at your current size”💀
i once went to test drive a new toyota tacoma and when i saw the button for the bed lights, i said "thats the jellyfish launcher" with my best dad joke smile and the sales guys face turned an ashen grey like a soldier who had just returned from the battle of verdun
My cousin said she’s having a vegetarian menu for her wedding & my dad said “ok so BYOB then?” BYOB Bring Your Own Beef This would be a decent dad joke if I wasn’t legitimately worried he’s gonna haul in his smoker and cook a 20 lb brisket in the church parking lot
My son was 16 when he was hit by a drunk driver. He was in a coma for 3 months. The neurologist sat us down in a sterile conference room and laid out the scans. 'His brain stem is intact,' he said gently. 'But the rest... it’s dark. If he wakes up, he will be a vegetable. He will never speak, never know you, never feed himself. You need to consider long-term care facilities.' We refused. We brought him home. We set up a hospital bed in the living room. We played his favorite Led Zeppelin records. We read him comic books. We talked to him for 12 hours a day. Six months later, I was shaving his face, telling him a bad dad joke. He didn't just smile. He laughed. A croaky, dry laugh. Then he looked at me and said, 'That wasn't funny, Dad.' Today, he is finishing his engineering degree. He walks with a cane, but he walks. The doctor calls him an 'anomaly.' I call him a fighter. Never let a statistic determine your destiny.
Olympics announcer before Simone Biles’ floor exercise: “this is the kinda thing you’ll talk to your kids about.” My dad, after Simone Biles’ floor exercise: “I guess I gotta talk to you about that floor exercise.” Holding that in for 2 minutes won him the dad joke gold.
Came out to my dad as pansexual in a marks and spencers cafe, he doesn't say anything just leaves the table leaving me stunned and in tears Reappears 10 minutes later and hands me a frying pan. Turns out hes supportive just couldn't resist the fuxking dad joke
One of the funniest dad joke scenes in tv history
friend: "ok, when does a joke become a 'dad joke'?" me, with no hesitation: "when it becomes apparent"
This dad was so proud of his daughter after she made a dad joke 🤣❤️
This is an elite dad joke. We’ve broke new ground.
The Best Dad Joke 😂
Core memory of mine is dad explaining the hockey puck joke to 5 year old me.
Geeky dad-joke Alert... QUESTION: What do you call a molecular ring of six Iron atoms? Fe / \ Fe Fe | | Fe Fe \ / Fe ANSWER: A Ferris Wheel.
new dad joke just dropped
One of the greatest things I found out. Was that Michael B Jordan’s dad’s name is Michael A Jordan. I asked Mike. And he said he will not name his son Michael C Jordan. Thus ruining a generational dad joke like the world has never seen.
actually good dad joke
Always my favorite dad joke from standup.trex on Instagram
Breh. Will just went at Jaden. This is it. This is the Greatest Dad Joke ever told. I am speechless. Will is legend.
dad joke no.46
The Best Dad Joke 😂
#NCT127 ‘dad joke’ hopecore
When your dad joke kills at the BBQ.
When does a joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent.
Dad-Joke Alert…. If the Chicago Bears moved to Detroit Michigan, then Detroit would field the Lions, the Tigers, and the Bears. Oh MI !
Comic #436 - Mega Dad Joke #pokemon #comic
Dude is a walking dad joke
he's so proud of his dad joke.
top tier dad joke 😂
Dad joke hall of fame
The greatest Dad Joke ever.
Ranboo having 🤝 Techno's Cancer a dad joke book joke google doc
Dad joke champion of the day. He said got em! 😂
Best dad joke of all time just dropped
Greatest dad joke of all time
Dad joke be like 😂
any guy who claims to like “dark humor” in their dating profile would absolutely freeze if i made a dead dad joke on the first date
Dad joke are so dumb they are funny
Dad joke of the day
happy to report this will be a dad joke account in 2024:
Alien Dad-joke alert…. Q; What happens if too many Aliens come for dinner? A: You have extraterrestrials
Dad Joke: Why did the vampire attack Cardi B?
use #giveloveback and tell us your best dad joke! gonna be dming a bunch of you <3
His daughter just got her temps.. This guy can dad joke like no other. He didn't even look at her🤣
A photo of a dad joke in action.
The naughty & nice internet joke competition 🤡◡🤡 RT this with an internet, crypto or NFT themed joke or pun to enter. We'll pick 30 winners that will be added to the pre-sale google doc. (15 of the funniest and 15 of the worst, by worst we mean terrible dad joke territory.)
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